What do they all mean… all of these pictures of you… of us… scattered on the floor… what do they mean… all these memories I cant erase… every second we spent together… what do they all mean when I can never see your face again… I can never touch your hand… or hear your breath… when I can never feel the warmth of your embrace… ever again. What does it even matter if I cry… what does it matter if I stop breathing… if I let go of my life… What difference will it make if I hate you… or love you… what difference will it make if I dream of you in my sleep… or spend sleepless nights thinking of you.
Everything here smells so fresh and new, the bright white walls, the empty wooden cupboards, the untouched linens… the white dress laying on the bed… Everything unused… withered and spoiled. Everything soul-less. My paradise turned hell.
I hate you death. Every time I look at this ring on my finger… I hate you more than anything I ever did. I hate you for coming so fast… so surprisingly… I hate you for not giving me any warnings… for not giving me any chances. I hate you for taking away my happiness before it was complete. But I hate you the most for not allowing me to say goodbye.
All of his promises… shall remain unfulfilled. Just words that resonate in my head… every morning… every day… every night… I will hear them… and dream of them… of how it would have been to be with him forever…
Yet I will love again… I will dream again… plan again… I will have my paradise… and I shall one day wear that dress. And when you come to take me away… I will smile… because I know it is with him I shall be.
And that, oh dear death, is my slap to you.
written: 05.02.2010
based on true events
written: 05.02.2010
based on true events
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